"I didn't know that Donald Trump was going to win the election. I did suspect it. It seemed like Hillary was doing well in the polls and yet — I know the whites. You guys aren't as full of surprises as you used to be," Chappelle said.
"But America's done it. We've actually elected an Internet troll as our president. The whites were furious. I've never seen anything like it. I haven't seen whites this mad since the O.J. verdict."
Chappelle continued, "Donald Trump, he did it. He's our president. I feel bad saying it. I'm staying at the Trump Hotel right now. I don't know if he's going to make a good president, but he makes a swell hotel suite, Imma tell you that. Housekeeping comes in in the morning, cleans my room. And I just, 'Hey, good morning, housekeeping.' Grab a big handful of pussy, and say, you know, 'Boss said it was okay.'"
Chappelle's wide-ranging 11-minute monologue also touched on everything from Black Lives Matter and ISIS to gentrification to Harambe.
"There's more shootings than I can literally count," Chappelle said. "You can't even go to the goddamn zoo without seeing a shooting out there. They shot a gorilla at my local zoo. And the Cincinnati Police said 'Shooting that gorilla was the toughest decision this department has ever had to make.' I said, 'Well, you about to see a lot of niggas in gorilla costumes in Cincinnati.'"
Chappelle closed out his monologue with a heartfelt anecdote about visiting the White House during the Obama administration:
"You know, before I go, I do want to say one thing, and this is not a joke. But I think it's important that I say this, 'cause they're marching up the street right now as we speak.
A few weeks ago I went to the White House for a party. It was the first time I've been there in many years and it was very exciting. And BET sponsored the party, so everyone there was black. And it was beautiful. I walked through the gates — you know, I'm from Washington, so I saw the bus stop, or the corner where the bus stop used to be, where I used to catch the bus to school and dream about nights like tonight.
It was a really, really beautiful night. At the end of the night everyone went into the West Wing of the White House and it was a huge party. And everybody in there was black — except for Bradley Cooper, for some reason.
And on the walls were pictures of all the presidents, of the past. Now, I'm not sure if this is true, but to my knowledge the first black person that was officially invited to the White House was Frederick Douglass. They stopped him at the gates. Abraham Lincoln had to walk out himself and escort Frederick Douglass into the White House, and it didn't happen again, as far as I know, until Roosevelt was president. Roosevelt was president, he had a black guy over and got so much flack from the media that he literally said, "I will never have a nigger in this house again.'
I thought about that, and I looked at that black room, and saw all those black faces, and Bradley, and I saw how happy everybody was. These people who had been historically disenfranchised. It made me feel hopeful and it made me feel proud to be an American and it made me very happy about the prospects of our country.
So, in that spirit, I'm wishing Donald Trump luck. And I'm going to give him a chance, and we, the historically disenfranchised, demand that he give us one too. Thank you very much."
Topics: Dave Chappelle